Such A Long Way To Go

Everyone has a story. Everyone has experiences that define them. I have several and I don't share a lot of them. While I lacked for little physically growing up, I did have a lot of emotional challenges at home and at school. Something that I have been working on is forgiving others and seeing the best in them. I doubt my classmates care or even know what was going on and how they treated me. Quite frankly I was an odd duck and it showed. I have worked hard on overcoming my dislike for my hometown and the bad memories there. I have made great strides in that area. After 10 years I can honestly say I am well acquainted with a girl I thought despised me and I have been able to associate with most of my classmates via facebook and not feel too much hurt. I even went to the class of 99's 10 year reunion which was the class I grew up with, but I left a year early due to the need to escape. Home is another matter. I have tried to make strides to accept the things of the past and realize harm was never done intentionally. I have invested time and patience to becoming the lady that Heavenly Father would like me to be. I am grateful for my wonderful brothers and sister-in-laws, they always make me laugh and no matter how often or not often we talk, I know we are there for another no matter what. Yet, things will happen with my mother that cause a lot of strife. I feel so guilty when I become angry with her. Yet, when I think I am the master of my emotions and in control, something will happen that sends my temper flaring and words will be exchanged. I will always love my mother and I will never cease to focus on the good in her, yet I realize I have so far to go in forgiveness and Christ like love. Sometimes it is hardest to forgive those whom we love because we are family. I am humbled when I am forced to look at my true nature and I feel like I have to start all over in the process of being a better person. I wonder if that is normal? Do we all struggle with shortcomings and feel we are overcoming them only to get a glimpse of where we are and notice the mountain seems higher? I will keep trying, but I must admit that I feel upset today because I know I have so far to go and I worry if I will ever make it.