Agency

The thing we fight for and believe in is freedom. Freedom to choose, to vote, to make our own choices, and to lives our own lives. I am a full believer in agency and the right to choose for ones self. Then why, I must ask, is it so hard to give my children these same choices. My children are stubborn, strong willed, and once they get an idea in their head they won't change their mind. I think they get it from their father. Okay quit laughing, maybe those are some of my traits. (I heard that snorting!) Anyway, back to the purpose of the post. McKayla has been asking to get her ears pierced for about a year. I had mine done at about 6 months. My niece had hers done when she was 11. When is the right time? I wanted to make the decision for herself, but when could I say that she was old enough to make that decision? McKayla is no ordinary 4 year old. She wants to know the facts. For example, she loves learning about animals. She knows what a habitat is and the definition of cold blooded. She is perfectly fine with the food chain and understands that things are hunted and eaten. She also wants to be a paleontologist after she done being an astronaut. She feels she wants to see the stars and what dwells above us before she makes her discoveries of the earth and what lies below us. My father offered to buy her a book and she choose a dinosaur book that is more like an encyclopedia than a child's book. So, you see my point, she is pretty smart girl. When she stared asking about ear piercings I told her all that was involved. I told her that they use a tool that shoots the earring through her ear, causing a hold and pain. I let her know there would be blood and that it would hurt for awhile afterwards. I explained that she had to take care of her ears and be very careful for about 6 months. That has postponed the asking for awhile. Then she started noticing the girls at preschool and dance that have earrings. The light bulb went on about all the the really cute earrings one could buy. She has been drooling over my earrings as well. The asking started again. I reminded her of the consequences of her choice. I also had her watch a video of a little girl getting her ears pierced on the Internet. She still persisted that she wanted to. I was dumbfounded. She knew all of the consequences, had seen it done, and could tell me everything I had told her. Yet, she still felt like it was something she desired. Chad and I discussed it and decided that it was time to allow her to use her agency. We sat down with her and talked to her again about choices and consequences. We also informed her that we couldn't afford it at this time. She already had a financial backer. I knew my parents have been waiting for 5 years to pay for this. So, that took care of finances. This being done, she choose yesterday to get her ears pierced. Yep, we did it folks. Her face turned red and she shed a single tear. Then she saw her reflection in a mirror. Then we couldn't tear her away from a mirror all day. We asked if it hurt more than she expected. She said that she thought it would feel like a shot and it did. She reminds me 3 times a day to clean her ears and is taking care of them so far. I had a hard time letting go of that control, but I couldn't argue against my original complaint. i wanted her to be old enough to understand and make the choice for herself. And she did.

We did sit down and talk to her about rules of the house. I told her that she will see things that others do, say, or want that we will not be allow in our home. I told her that we didn't need to go over the list right now, but that she needed to be aware that we wanted her to make her own choices and we encouraged her to make good choices, but some things were taboo. I am hoping that we can teach her to make good choices early on. I feel like we have definitely taught her to use logic and to face all of the facts and know the consequences before making choices. We also told her that she can come and talk to us if she is not sure what to do. Shouldn't we be having this conversation is 10 years? Why are we having it now?

Make a Smilebox slideshow